I seriously do not understand what is wrong with me.
A handful of advils and a bottle of NyQuil and nothing has happened to me. What is this shit?!
It feels weird to cry. I haven’t cried in a very long time. Crying reminded me that I am a person. I used to want to be emotionless so I would never have to worry about getting hurt. I’ve been terrified and happy. Scared and glad. Almost an hour straight I cried. Everything I’ve been holding in finally came out.
I never even cried when I considered taking my own life. I cried though because my actions had a negative impact on something important to me. Don’t get me wrong, driving full speed into a wall sounds amazing right now to finally give me silence of everything. But even then I’m more worried about the well being of others than my own self.
I want to disappear forever.
All I can think about is don’t break down right now.
I wish I knew what was even wrong with me to begin with. I have No clue why I Am feeling or acting this way. I feel so helpless right now.
I feel myself breaking. Everyday it is getting worse and it’s getting harder to focus on anything. Everytime I blank out it is getting worse and for longer periods of time. I just want to disappear.
I just want to disappear. Just go away for a period of time. I’m tired. Not in a physical sense. But an emotional sense. I’m tired of everything. I just want a simple break from life. For everything to just be quiet so I can get my thoughts together.